I'm So Bored With The USA

I don't hate the United States.

They just bug me sometimes.

If you do something for a long period of time, or you live somewhere for years, you get tired of it. It doesn't matter what or where. So it's always nice to get away for a bit, even if it's to a country that doesn't speak your language or has an abundance of lederhosen. I'm flying to Germany tomorrow, and I'm not looking back.

A funny story: my dad has spent some time in Germany and recommended I spend some time in Bavaria, specifically Garmisch-Partenkirchen. Apparently there's a bunch of spiralling castles and rolling snow-capped hills and old-time markets smelling of zwieback that's not far removed from the beloved Old World, where in the Good Old Days everybody was happy and peaceful, if you don't count those little problems with the marauding pillagers and Nazis and German Military Leaders With Funny Moustaches.

I don't really care about old castles and things, as I am a proud product of New World Postmodernism, which I have surmised is a fancy term for nihilists who still appreciate a nice pair of shoes. But I still asked my German friend about possibly going to Garmisch during my stay.

"If you want to go, you're going to have to find somebody else to take you," she said.

"Really? Why?"

"Well, you know how Americans think about Texas? That's how most of us feel about Bavaria."

So there. Problem solved.

Another good thing about leaving? No more listening to people talk about the election. But maybe it's something that can't be escaped. I have a friend who, as a noble social experiment of the highest order, will be avoiding all media after election day in an attempt to see how long he can go before finding out the "results" of this "incredibly important" contest. He thinks he can go for at least a few days; I say more like one hour. Somebody will end up sending him a text message with multiple exclamation points, or somebody will yell out their window or something. It will be impossible to avoid it. The best bet is to leave the country, hey presto, but I'm pretty sure when people hear my Pac Northwest drawl, they will want to start a really boring discussion about it.

I might say this: "Man, I'm from Canada. Don't group me in with those nutjobs!"

TJH